I’ve tried a lot of tactics with my kids to get them to do chores including rewards, allowance, and sticker charts galore! To be honest, I haven’t found success with any of these approaches. Every time I tried them we ended up in more arguments and they took too much preparation and time tracking by me which didn’t motivate me to continue them. But in the past two years, I’ve changed my mindset in how I approach my expectations with household responsibilities. A lot of this came out of necessity when I became a single working mom and had one less adult around to help. Here is what I’ve found to work.
- Start young, like really young. You would be amazed at how much toddlers like to be part of cleaning. While it might feel like more work for you to involve them at a young age it will pay off in the end. I hear many parents say, “but it’s just easier if I do it myself”, or “they won’t do it the right way”. Trust me, if you think it’s hard to involve a 3 year old in household responsibilities, imagine what it will be like when you’re trying to get your 15 year old to put their clothes away and you’ve never made them do it before!
- Don’t use chores as a means of punishment. Like most habits, you need a reward to want to keep doing it again and again and if the chore is used as punishment your kids are going to lose motivation and aren’t going to make a habit of doing chores. In The Power of Habit, Charles Durhigg explains the habit loop where you need a cue, routine, and reward to make it stick. The minute you toss punishment into that mix, you’re asking for trouble!
- Reinforce the behavior by acknowledging when they are doing a good job. Make sure to be specific in telling them what they are doing well so they’ll be more motivated to do it again.
- Make it easy for your kids to be involved. If your kids are responsible for emptying the dishwasher, make sure they can reach all the cabinets to put items away. Have storage solutions and labels in place so they know exactly where things should be stored.
- Make it fun for your kids! Play music, dance around, do it together, or make it into a game so it’s not seen as torture.
- Make it a daily routine. What does your kid’s morning and nighttime routine look like? Can you add household responsibilities into it that are required each day? Dishes, sweeping the floor, putting their toys away, etc.
- Finally, don’t call them chores! Try referring to them as responsibilities or tasks rather than chores which seems to carry such a heavy and negative connotation.
Well, that’s it. Those are my suggestions on how to get your kids involved in household responsibilities. Give them a try and let me know if any work for you!