When I onboard new clients, one of the topics that always seems to come up is their desire for their kids not to know they are dieting or counting macros.
And I totally get this!
As someone who grew up in the 80s and 90s, I understand the fear of what we say or do related to food and the impact it could have on our kids. How often do you remember an older female family member saying, “Oh, if I could just wire my mouth shut!” or “I’ll start my diet tomorrow” whenever they were trying to enjoy dessert during a holiday meal? These comments are forever imprinted in our minds and have impacted our relationship with food.
So, I take this topic very seriously, and I reassure my clients our approach won’t have them taking any extreme measures that they will need to explain or hide from their kids. As we start working together, they soon get it! I share with them how their new nutritional approach can support setting a positive example for their kids regarding navigating a balanced approach to nutrition. Not only will they not need to fear that their behaviors might send some negative message to their kids, but they quickly find it’s just the opposite when they start modeling behaviors they hope their children will follow!
But at some point, the inevitable question always comes up in our coaching relationship: “How do I talk to my kids about nutrition?” My first response is that it starts before you have a conversation. Your kids learn more by watching your behaviors and habits. Before drafting how to converse with them, evaluate the nutrition-related example you set for them. If they see you displaying a balanced approach to nutrition, they are much more likely to do the same! If you want your kids to eat veggies, you need to be eating some veggies yourself first. Take a hard look at your nutritional habits and what your kids see. Before diving into a conversation and setting out expectations for them, start implementing them for yourself.
If you are tracking macros, don’t stress about them seeing you weigh and measure food or make it a big deal. Avoid saying things that bring attention to it, especially negatively. If they ask, I recommend saying something as simple as, “I’m learning about different serving sizes that best support properly fueling my body, and measuring right now helps me to do that.” Chances are they won’t even ask. I was in a calorie deficit for 16 weeks last year, and my sons had no idea because they didn’t see me eating different foods and didn’t hear me talking about it all the time. I always avoid talking about restrictions and avoid comments like “Oh gosh! I can’t eat that; I’m on a diet.” or “I wish I could have a piece of pizza, but I just can’t right now.” These comments are much more likely to send mixed messages to them about your relationship with food than if they see you weighing your servings.
If they know you are in a calorie deficit and working on dropping body fat, share the reasons why it will benefit you from a health perspective – including reducing blood pressure, lower triglyceride levels, reduced risk of heart disease, improving your mood and energy levels. In general, remember to keep it positive! Highlight the reasons outside of body composition and avoid using words like “good,” “bad,” “cheat meals,” “guilty,” etc.
Next, I encourage you to talk with your kids about food and nutrition, even if you still have work to do on finding a balanced approach to nutrition. Share with them that you are working on this and why it is important to your overall health and well-being. You can have a conversation about nutrition that supports the information your kids may or may not be learning in school.
Here are some tips on how to navigate this conversation:
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- Start by sticking to the facts and sharing some basics on how all food is based on different macro nutritional components. Start by sharing that all the macronutrients provide value to us and why a variety of protein, fat, and carbs/fiber are essential to a balanced diet. Not sure where to start? Check out my Balanced Eating Starter Guide.
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- Share some examples of what foods provide what type of macronutrients. Still trying to figure yourself out? Check out my Macro Cheat Sheet to help!
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- Make sure they have an understanding of the benefits of nutritional basics that will make them feel good! Here are the top ones I’d make sure to hit upon:
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- Stick to a regular eating schedule, trying to have a consistent number of daily meals.
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- Prioritize balanced meals with all macronutrients – protein/fat/carbs/fiber.
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- Eat meals large enough that you are full and don’t need to snack all day long.
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- Incorporate fruits and veggies into all meals as much as possible.
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- Try to eat slowly, chewing your food thoroughly, without distractions from screens.
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- Try to eat as many whole foods over ultra-processed foods as often as possible.
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- Try to keep sugary drinks like sodas for special occasions.
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- Reassure them it’s okay to include some sweets or salty treats in our lives and that we don’t need to see dessert or treats as a reward for finishing meals or other accomplishments. Consider using the “add, don’t restrict” approach when they do reach for a treat to balance their snack adding in some protein & fiber.
One of my top tips for helping your kids have a good relationship with nutrition is to involve them in food-related household responsibilities. Consider involving them in your weekly meal planning so they are part of the decision-making and feel more invested in the process. Try having them help with some of the dinner prep or have them cook dinner one night each week as age-appropriate.
Remind them that food is meant to be enjoyed! Share with them ways your family uses foods in traditions that are an important part of your life. Let them see it is okay to enjoy food in addition to using it to fuel your body.
Reassure them it’s okay if they end up overindulging occasionally. Share with them what you do when that happens and how you handle it – focus on just getting back to your regular daily habits – regular meals each day, keeping hydration up, and staying active. And reinforce the message that there is no need to punish yourself, do excessive exercising to try and burn off extra calories, and no need to restrict or skip meals.
A balanced nutrition approach will have the most significant impact on your kids. Getting comfortable discussing nutrition and sharing accurate information will be a great additional support. Parenting is hard! Having the resources and support to know how to navigate conversations like this and how to model the type of behavior you are hoping for is hard to do on your own.
If you’re tired of trying to do this all on your own and looking for some support on how to model this behavior, join my Collective Monthly Membership, which will remove the guesswork from all of it and equip you with a roadmap to feeling confident in your balanced approach to nutrition.
Remember: this post is for informational purposes only and may not be the best fit for you and your personal situation. It shall not be construed as medical advice. The information and education provided here is not intended or implied to supplement or replace professional medical treatment, advice, and/or diagnosis. Always check with your own physician or medical professional before trying or implementing any information read here.